Get Out Alive
by Akanesi
Summary: Torchwood's members think on the events of the second season. The pain, the regret; how no one can be relied upon. "I was a hero in the end. A bitter one but a hero all the same." Reviews returned.


_No time for goodbye he said  
As he faded away_

**Jack: **As John faded from sight, with the name Grey resonating in my head, I wish I let him stay. I wish I could have called out wait when he spoke Grey's name. I wish for all of time that I could swallow my pride and just ask. Ask for his help, his advice, his company. I'm alone on this planet. The people I work with know nothing of me. They think I'm perfect, the hero of the human race. John knows differently, knows better. He knows who I am inside.

_  
Don't put your life in someone's hands  
They're bound to steal it away_

But I can't trust him. He killed me and he thought I would remain dead but he still went after his diamond, he still went on. I don't know how, if he dies I would just stop. But it seems he doesn't care for me like he used to. He's not the man who jumped in front of the bullets for me, or pushed me out of the way of the monsters. He's not the man who protected me from day one, no matter what. He's changed.

_  
Don't hide your mistakes  
'Cause they'll find you, burn you  
_

And when he said: "Grey" all my mistakes came flooding back. I had let go of his hand, I had run on, I had left him. I couldn't breath. If what John was saying and Grey was back then what had happened? Why hadn't he found me?

_Then he said:_

If you want to get out alive  
Run for your life

When I did meet Grey John told me to run. I didn't listen and I paid the price. The one time that John spoke the truth and no one listened. Least of all me.

_  
If you want to get out alive  
Run for your life_

I nodded for John to fill in the grave. It was the permission he needed. Permission to bury me alive under tons of dirt and mud. I shouldn't have given it to him. I shouldn't have been merciful. But I had to. Because I loved him.

This is my last time she said  
As she faded away

**Suzie: **When Jack shot me; when I died for the second time I was surprised. I felt no pain, no remorse, no regret, no madness. Just a deep seated unhappiness. Jack didn't want me, Jack had never wanted me he wanted his precious Gwen. And he killed me for her. He killed me knowing what was out there, in the dark, waiting. He sent me back to hell and I feel. Again.

_  
It's hard to imagine  
But one day you'll end up like me_

But I could see the future and the past of Torchwood. I could see that Owen would soon join me and that he to would be brought back. Just like me, I thought. Owen had always been just like me. Torchwood had been a guiding light in the dark for both of us. Something to make us want to live again. Something that mattered in a life full of dullness.

_  
Then she said:_

If you want to get out alive  
Run for your life

**Owen: **Every instinct was telling me to run, to get out, to get away from this scientist pointing a gun at my face. But I was a doctor. I didn't run away from disasters. I helped. So I got in front of the team. And I sacrificed myself to save them. I was a hero in the end. A bitter one but a hero all the same.

_  
If you want to get out alive  
Run for your life_

And then I found even more reason to run. Even less hope of ever reaching my goal. The dark, the never ending blackness of life, which rushed forward, always hungry. It had found me and it followed me out and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Nothing at all.

_  
If you want to get out alive  
Run for your life_

**Tosh: **I heard the gunshot, but I didn't feel the wound till I fell. I saw Jack's brother above me and I thought a million things of hate. I hadn't felt like this since my imprisonment. Because there was no reason. For that or this. There was no reason to shoot me. He could have told me to get away from the controls, he could have threatened me and I would have complied. But he didn't. He just shot me and the blood and now the pain.

_  
If you want to get out alive  
Run for your life_

The question: he was asking if he could watch me die. What must he have gone through to make him like this? What must have Jack done to him?

If I stay it won't be long  
Till I'm burning on the inside

**Ianto: **I have to go now. How can I stay with Torchwood after this? I feel even worse then when Lisa died. Empty is not a word to describe me. I'm full; full of anger and hate and the need for revenge. If I stay I fear that I might take Grey out and shoot him and I can't do that. Not if I want to remain sane.

_  
If I go I can only hope  
That I make it to the other side_

If I leave then maybe I'll find happiness again. I can't find it with Jack now, he's gone, broken, a shell of a man. I need more. Maybe I'll return to him one day. When we've both found ourselves but until then it's goodbye. My dear Captain.


End file.
